10 days at a Vipassana retreat. Would you leave it all behind?

Vipassana means “seeing things as they really are” and is a meditation technique originating from India. It is the process of self-cleansing through self-observation. Impulsively once again, I decided to spend 10 days at a retreat in Asia learning this ancient meditation technique white cut off from all electronic devices and communication with the outside world.

I am a woman of science, a doctor. I like evidence based, quantitative measurement and proof of theory and statistics. What the heck was I doing at a Buddhist meditation retreat right after my Ivy League fellowship?

I’ve always been drawn to Eastern philosophy. After earning my medical degree I traveled to Bali to get a yoga teaching diploma. That’s where I first heard about Vipassana. I couldn’t understand why anyone would willingly sign up for something so torturing. Two years later my own calling came: I felt completely disconnected from my body and disoriented from my goals. I went on the website and started looking for destinations, I filled out the declaration of interest not believing I would go. Vipassana centers exist all over the world, as well as in Greece. The only open place I found within 10 days was in Singapore. I was starting rural in two months so it had to be done asap.

My previous experience with meditation? Excruciating. I couldn’t sit still for more than 10 minutes, my so-called monkey mind jumped around endlessly leaving me with negative feelings of failure and dissatisfaction. But wasn’t that the goal? To go and learn how to do it.

I decided not to discuss this decision with my acquaintances, as I didn’t want their opinion to influence me. I knew exactly how they were going to respond.

Three days before I left I told my brother that I was scared. He replied “It is that because you are scared you have to do it”.

Two days before I flew I announced to my mother that I was going to Singapore for 10 days without a cell phone for a meditation retreat. The mother obviously freaked out. “Who organises this, what’s the point, why don’t you go find a place at the beach to chill instead of flying to Asia to meet hippies”.

I packed my suitcase and and took a cab to the airport. I commuted from the airport directly to the place appointed for pick up to the course location. I was there two hours early. “What am I doing? I have a family that loves me. Why did I have to go halfway around the world to calm my head - I could have chosen to go to a shopping spree instead. This meeting spot could easily be a white slavery organisation, I’d be kidnapped and no one would know where I was.”

Slowly, Singaporeans and Indians began to appear with suitcases in hand and a look on their faces saying “I don’t know what I’m doing - help me”. I must have been in the right place because I looked like that too. They counted us, read our names and we boarded the bus. Half an hour later we had arrived at the camp and received our instructions and schedule for the next 10 days.

Program

04:00 wake up to the sound of the gong 04:30 - 06:30 meditation in our private room or in the hall 06:30 - 08:00 breakfast 08:00 - 09:00 group meditation in the hall 11:00 - 13:00 lunch (this was the last meal of the day) and rest 13:00 - 14:30 meditation in our private area or in the hall 14:30 - 15:30 group meditation in the hall 15:30 - 17:00 meditation in our private room or in the hall 17:00 - 18:00 afternoon tea break 18:00 - 19:00 group meditation in the hall 19:00 - 20:15 video course screening 20:15 - 21:00 group meditation in the room 20:00 lights off

Rules

The participants must:

• Refrain from killing any living creature (including: for eating anything of animal origin. not even the mosquito that’s buzzing around you)

• Refrain from stealing.

• Refrain from any sexual activity.

• Refrain from lying.

• Abstain from any kind of toxic substances.

• Follow polite silence - ALL conversations (and eye contact) are forbidden. Women and men must stay in segregated areas

• All physical exercise, including yoga is prohibited.

• Reading, music, writing, use of cell phone and camera are prohibited.

• Shoulders and knees should be covered at all times, with loose and modest clothing.

Time to explore where I would sleep. Our room had the same size as my room in Athens with the small detail that it was destined for 6 women in bunk beds. How was I supposed to share a room with 5 other Asian girls without talking? The room looked like it hadn’t been cleaned for a long time, the WC was two in one, bathroom and toilet. How was I, a sworn enemy of any camping activities going to last 10 days in that hell? I’d heard that many people can’t complete the course and give up, but a more stubborn person than me is hard to find. Furthermore, I was a bit far from home (20 hour trip). The outdoor space was surrounded by a fence, hence limited walking area. On the other side of the fence I saw beautiful trees I have only seen in Asian movies. It was beautiful.

Days 1 - 3

The first three days were dedicated to the technique of observing the breath, called anapana. I got 5 pillows to make a little throne and be as comfortable as possible. For the first 2 days western life occupied my mind. I was thinking of captions for my fantastic instagram posts for clicks I’d never taken. I walked around our fenced area to count how many minutes I completed it in (it was 4), so I could repeat it as many times as it takes to walk 30 minutes a day. For self entertainment purposes, I walked barefoot on the grass to soak in the daily midday rain. Remember the rules. Besides, it was so hot that I had to go into every meditation hour in a wet shirt to endure.

I generally don’t dream, but after the first day of meditation every time I went to sleep (naps twice during the day and sleep at night) I had very vivid dreams that I remembered clearly afterwards. I started to get used to myself without make up and actually like my face (note that at the time my friends never saw me without winged eyeliner and 10 days make up free was a personal record).

Day 4

On the fourth day I found out that so far we haven’t been practicing vipassana meditation. That day we had to pick a sitting position and stay there for two hours without any movement. For two hours you had to harness your mind telling you to stretch your leg, scratch your shoulder, open your eyes. And just when you think you’re not going to make it, you do. My leg went completely numb and I had to give it sometime before I was able to walk again.

Every day that went by, I got better at that technique. I had become more relaxed, and more “present”. I noticed the trees, each leaf and trunk, the sunrise and sunset, the colors and position of the sun. I felt happier, so much so that I wondered if they were adding any substances in our food.

Slowly, I began to understand the meaning behind each rule. We couldn’t eat heavily because it was hard to stay alert for meditation on a full stomach. We couldn’t talk because, as they say, “comparison is the thief of joy.” Each student was at a different stage in their path and each path is different. Also writing, cell phones and talking were ways we could avoid introspection. Exercise, even light yoga would be distraction as well.

Days 6 - 9

On the 6th day, the Vipassana technique began. From then on, three times a day for one hour we had to stay still. Normally you should not label your meditation as good or bad. It is simply what it is. However, I was extremely proud of my meditation session on the 7th day. An hour of sitting went by like 5 minutes. It seemed unbelievable to me. After the session, I went outside, sat on the grass and observed the nature around me. Never in my life, had I ever felt such explosion of joy inside of me before. The feelings were unprecedented. I couldn’t remember myself being so happy. I started wondering when was the last time I was happy. The last times I had felt happy were when I had published in one of the best dermatology journals, when I had presented at that American World Congress, when I went on a date with Mr X, Y, Z. It was all external ego boosters. And there, I found myself having created this huge feeling - all an inside job, with no gym endorphins, no shopping, no contact with people around me. I was crying.

I was thinking about The Beatles, one of my favorite bands, who had gone to meditate in India. I was singing “Let it be” in my head and, for the first time, with Goenka’s Vipassana teaching, the song really made sense.

Day 10

We were finally allowed to talk to each other. I so was eager to ask about their experiences, what had prompted them to come. I learned that Vipassana is quite popular in Asian countries. I was surprised to find out that many came for no particular reason, just for the experience. Some said they were looking for answers, others said they were depressed and wanted to heal. All of them felt grateful that they came. I felt a constant smile on my face which I could also see on everyone around me.

I don’t know what exactly it was that prompted me to try Vipassana. But it was the best trip of my life.

Was it easy? Not at all. Should you go for it? No doubt. If I had to put into one single phrase what how felt, it would be “I was put back into my body”. I can’t help but wonder if I would have handled things differently if I had done vipassana earlier in my life. I made a promise to myself that I would continue meditating and would repeat the course that made me grateful to be me.

The courses are taking place allover the world and all expenses are met by donations from people who, having completed a course and experienced the benefits of Vipassana, wish to give others the opportunity to also benefit.

For more information: https://www.dhamma.org/en/index